I feel a deep sense of sadness for the families of the six Singapore primary school students and a teacher who were on an excursion to the peak and who were among those killed when the 6.0-magnitude quake struck Friday morning.
An eyewitness noted that “Boulders “the size of cars” roared down the crowded slopes of Malaysia’s Mount Kinabalu after the earthquake”, as authorities on Sunday raised the death toll in the disaster to 16.
As I experienced my own sense of sadness, with a fresh reminder of the disaster in Nepal ( which killed over 8,800 people and injuring 23,000 people ) and my son’s personal experiences with his school trips to Nepal and Malaysia over the past few years, I was reminded of a very useful therapist tool that I have used over the years in my coaching and mentoring practise.
It is my INTENTION through this note to serve and assist in the healing or grieving process for friends and family who may be experiencing a sense of loss, trauma or dis-ease in their life.
The Kübler-Ross Model can be used in a wide variety of situations of personal loss, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or income, major rejection, the end of a relationship or divorce, incarceration, and the onset of disease, infertility and even minor losses.
The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA
Stage 1 Denial — One of the first reactions is Denial, wherein the survivor imagines a false, preferable reality.
Stage 2 – Anger – When the individual realises that denial cannot continue, it becomes frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; ‘”Who is to blame?”; “Why would God let this happen?”.
Stage 3 – Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Other times, they will use anything valuable against another human agency to extend or prolong the life. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise.
Stage 4 – Depression – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die soon so what’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?” During the fourth stage, the individual becomes saddened by the certainty of death. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.
Stage 5 – Acceptance – “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.” In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions.
MY EXPERIENCE – Soul Journey Interventions
I have co-lead Soul Journey Sacred trips with Rock Your Life founder Mike Handcock and amazing co-leaders such as Don Tolman, Hilary Carter, Dean Liprini, Keith Mason, Glen Levy, Maya Shahani, Matthias Gelber, and Mr V for the past ten years to Egypt, Peru & Boliva, Mexico, South Africa, Japa-China-Korea, as well as Scotland-France and Scandinavia and Cambodia.
During these soul journey, i have been blessed and honoured to share personal coaching sessions relating to trauma, guilt and loss. During the process, I will often invite the survivor to explore their feelings, emotions and explain the Kübler-Ross Model to them, primarily so that they can become familiar with a model that may assist them with their personal grieving process and thereby alleviate the “blame” factor from the healing or grieving process.
I tend to assist them to explore their feelings and will invite the them to consciously delve into their emotional guidance system as well as invite them to discover or possibly find some GIFT or honouring from the experience, the person who has passed or from an unfavourable, terrific or even heinous experience.
I call this process “TRAGIC INTO MAGIC” and it is a methodology that I respectfully invite the individual to delve deeply into their spirit, explore their ancestral memories and discover heaps about their personal belief constructs around religion, guides, gods, deities and their higher purpose and divinity. The timing of the shift from tragic to magic is individual dependent and while I have witnessed an immediate shift by some people, I am particularly respectful to the healing and grieving process and timing and and I do honour the personal journey and divine timings for each individual that I connect with.
May this sharing assist members of the TRIBE and please do feel free to share with friends and family in times of need.
With respect, love and light,